Most no's are soft

A prospect says: "Send me the details by email." It sounds like interest. It may be a polite no. If you write it down as a yes, your list of open deals slowly fills up with people who have already said no, just not in those words.

What the research found

People rarely refuse anything bluntly. Researchers who study recorded conversation have described this for decades: a refusal tends to come a moment later than an acceptance, and it comes padded. A yes is quick and plain. When they counted it in recorded everyday phone calls in English, three in four refusals of requests, offers and invitations came softened, often opening with "well" or carrying a reason. A flat "no" was the exception. The same calls also had plenty of hedged answers that turned out to be a yes, so a hedge is a hint, not a verdict.

Sales calls look much the same. In recorded business-to-business cold calls in the UK, prospects who did not want a meeting often avoided saying so. They asked for the details by email, or to be called back next week. An older study of recorded telephone selling found that customers often showed they were not going to buy without ever saying it, and that open objections mattered less than is usually thought.

What it means for you

A soft answer is neither a yes nor a certain no. Some people hedge and then agree. But a hedge does raise the odds of a no, and that alone is reason to stop counting it as progress.

The cost of getting this wrong is mostly time. You prepare an offer, send it, wait, send a reminder, and only weeks later find out the answer was no from the first call.

When the answer is soft

• Do not record it as a yes. "Send me something" goes in your notes as unclear.
• Ask one plain question that makes either answer easy to give: "Is this a priority this month, or not right now?"
• Or offer a next step with a date they can move: "Shall I call you on Thursday?" If Thursday is wrong for them, they will say so, and that tells you something as well.

A clear "not this quarter, call me in March" is worth more than a warm maybe. You know where you stand, and you know when to call.

How Bamya CRM helps

Bamya CRM is a free AI-assisted CRM. It puts every follow-up on the day you agreed, so "call me in March" becomes a reminder in March.

Research: Kendrick & Torreira (2015), Discourse Processes; Humă & Stokoe (2023), Journal of Language and Social Psychology; Clark, Drew & Pinch (1994), Discourse & Society. The three in four comes from everyday phone calls, not sales calls, and the sales studies describe how prospects say no without testing whether checking wins more deals.